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FROM GOOD OLE UNCLE VICSeptember 2006
Hello everyone, how are you? Well, looks like fall is here. I think we have a few more hot days left but not many. Before you know it the leaves will be changing, there will be frost in the morning, and the days will start getting shorter. You know what that means, right? Basketball season is right around the corner!
The answer to last month's quiz: How did the term blackjack come to be known as the nickname for the card game, 21? When 21 was first introduced to American casinos from France, it was not very popular. To increase participation, casinos would pay out a bonus of as much as 10 to 1 if you had an ace of spades and a black Jack (spades or clubs). Hence the term, blackjack! Those that got it right were: Valerie Kreunen, Shannon Davis, Amy Cavolo, Josh Gerber, Nate Gach, John Skozilas, Pam Monacelli, Matt Whelan, Laurie DeHoff, Elizabeth Laffey, John Krainer, Pam Williams, Richard Lippa and Susann McKenna.
This month's quiz: What is the origin of the phrase; "push the envelope," as in "You are really pushing the envelope by trying to date two girls at the same time!"
Last month Lynne and I presented at a fitness convention in Toronto, Canada; Can-Fit-Pro. The convention is run by our good friend, David Patchell-Evans and is one of the largest fitness conventions in the world. (Patch also owns Goodlife, the largest privately owned health club chain in the world with 110 locations and growing). I always enjoy presenting at conventions because, besides the pleasure I get from public speaking, I always learn so much while preparing my talk. This was especially true for our topic at Can-Fit-Pro, Venus Management in a Mars World!
If you read the book Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus you probably have a pretty good idea of what our talk was about. We were presenting on how to be an effective female manager in a predominantly male-dominated industry. The reason they choose us to do this topic is because Lynne and I have been working together for 21 years and have been married for 28. We are supposed to be experts in this area. Ha! But I will say that after researching the topic, mostly referring to John Gray's book, Mars/Venus in the Workplace, we know a lot more now than we did before. (I only wish I had read it all before our long range planning meeting the week before!)
It all goes back to the hormones dopamine and serotonin. Men need dopamine to feel content. Dopamine is stimulated by risk, challenge and reward. Men low in dopamine seek greater challenges to stimulate the production of the hormone. Some do this in positive ways such as climbing mountains, building businesses or becoming professional athletes. Others seek socially unacceptable behavior. 90 percent of all people in jail are men and most exhibit low levels of dopamine. Dopamine stimulates testosterone; testosterone causes the release of endorphins. Endorphins give you a rush. By the way, one in five boys exhibits characteristics of low dopamine. Most are diagnosed with attention deficit disorder or ADD and are put on a dopamine stimulating drug, Ritalin!
Women need serotonin. Serotonin is the happy drug. It makes you feel good. Serotonin is stimulated by the feelings of comfort, contentment and optimism. Serotonin stimulates oxytocin which, in turn, releases endorphins, again giving you positive feelings. Low serotonin causes feelings of loneliness and depression. Men can store twice as much serotonin as women. 90% of the people who seek counseling are women and most exhibit the characteristics of low serotonin. Many are given the serotonin enhancing drug, Prozac! By the way, because men naturally have higher levels of serotonin they are not as motivated to give, help, clean up, do chores, et cetera. They feel content to just sit in front of the TV and vegetate.
So, what do men need and what is the most effective way to communicate with them, especially if you are a woman? At the risk of over-generalizing, most men want to protect, serve and make a difference. This stimulates the production of dopamine. That is why men like to be soldiers, firemen and policemen. Men tend to think of themselves as living by the Code of Bushido, the warrior's code. While there are seven values to this code, that being veracity, politeness, courage, benevolence, justice, loyalty and honor, the only one many men know is honor. To many of them it is all about honor. This includes their honor, as in saving face. That is why so many fights and confrontations such as road rage occur when a hormone imbalanced young male feels he has been "disrespected" and thinks he has to do something about it "for his honor!" Another word for honor is pride. That is why a man does not ask for directions. He is often to proud to ask for help. And heaven forbid that you try to show him an open parking space when you are riding with him!
Again, at the risk of over-generalizing, women like someone to talk to. They like to give and to receive. This stimulates the production of serotonin. They depend more on relationships for happiness than do men. While men become part of a sports team to win something, many women become part of a sports team for the camaraderie as much as the competition. Women are usually more interested in the journey than the destination. Allow women an opportunity to express themselves. It is more important how you say it than what you say. Flowers, compliments, little things like holding a door open or closing the car door matter as much as the trophy for top sales person.
How does this translate into the real world? When you are dealing with men, you must realize that most men are logical, and communicate to solve problems. Men use the least number of words possible to convey content. Women on the other hand, like to build relationships. Sometimes they talk not knowing exactly what they are going to say but working it out as they go along. Disagree? Ever watch men fishing in a small boat or by the side of a stream? Hardly a word will be spoken. Conversation will ruin a good fishing trip. When was the last time a group of women went fishing? A better example is a football game. Men will go to watch the game. Women will go to talk. Often, as they leave, the woman will ask the man what?? "Who won the game?" For her it was a social event, not a competitive event. At the same time that is one of the reasons women like to go shopping, so they can socialize. Again, when was the last time a group of men called each other up and said, "Hey, let's all go shopping!"
There are tons of other examples of how men and women communicate differently. Men cannot focus on more than one thing at a time. Ever see a man driving and then get lost? What is the first thing he does? Turns down the radio! Then he starts leaning forward to see better! He can't listen to music and look for a street sign at the same time! A woman can drive, talk on her car phone, put on her make-up, drink coffee and discipline her child in the back seat all at the same time. What does this mean at work? Ask men to do one thing at a time. Often he will resist change if he thinks what he is doing is working. If you ask him to consider a different way of doing something or to change his focus, realize that this will be difficult for him. Often he will grumble. But if he is grumbling, guess what, that is a good thing. It means he is thinking about it. You will be surprised how many times he will grumble but end up doing what you asked.
The real lesson here is that, due to physiological difference, men and women communicate differently. It is kind of like habit Number Five of Stephen Covey's Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, "seek first to understand, then to be understood". The more we try to understand how the other half thinks, the better. But here is the real challenge. We must not only understand how the other half thinks but we must also understand how we think, act and communicate as well. Then we must make an effort to modify our behavior in such a way that it will modify theirs in a more positive manner. Gotta go. Lynne is calling!
"Hi, honey. How was your day? Anything you want to share with me!"
Until next month, may all your jumpers hit nothing but the bottom of the net!
Yours in Health and Fitness,
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