Ron Swanson – What? A Week Makes A Difference?

August 29, 2011 By: Ron "Commish" Swanson

Ron "Commish" Swanson

Since summer started I had been lax about getting to Brick Bodies, usually going only once or twice a week because “there is always something to do outside.” Using this rationale I would piddle away my evenings and usually finish up with a relaxing adult beverage or two. Summer, I love it. However my golf game sucks and no matter how much I wish it to go away I haven’t lost “those 10 pounds.”

So…last Friday, as I finished the last of my beloved bourbon, I decided to see what difference a week could make. I’m not changing what I eat since we do eat relatively sensibly as it is. We grow much of our own food this time of year and every couple of weeks we get a bushel of fruit from one the local orchards. However, I will not buy any replacement brown liquid and will carefully consider whether or not I really need that extra cookie. What follows is what can happen in a week. I don’t know about you but I am anxious to find out.

Saturday, Day 1:

Weight upon waking: 207. An hour at the gym then Mrs. Commish and I travel to Bel Air where we end up at an all you can eat buffet.

Sunday, Day 2:

Weight: 207. Another good work out with about 40 minutes of cardio and 20 minutes of weights. Spend a little time at the office and go to a 5K run at Boordy Vineyards in the evening. WATCH Gwaltney (our daughter) and TBND (“That Boy Next Door”, her husband) complete race in 27 minutes then relax to outdoor concert. Go home and fix chicken wings and rosemary herb bread for dinner.

Monday, Day 3:
Weight 207, still. Counting from the last hole in my “work” belt, I fit into the third hole but it is uncomfortable so I wear it in notch #4. After work go to gym for about 40 minutes. Head home to work on stonewall I am rebuilding. Take tractor into woods, wrestle 350 lb. stone into base of wall and then carry a couple of large, but not huge, rocks to place next to it. Take tractor back into woods to grab another 300+ stone and stir up a hornets nest, literally. Get stung 9 times getting away from the unseen swarm. Earlier this summer TBND got stung and his arm and fist swelled up so that they looked like they belonged to The Incredible Hulk. Great. With stings on my neck, back, stomach, legs and arms I could look like The Elephant Man in a few hours. TBND dons his bee suit (bet you don’t have one of those, do you?) and I grab a couple of Wasp and Hornet sprays and into the woods we go to rescue the still running tractor. With him driving I cover our retreat like a two-gun gunslinger as we high-tail it out of the woods shooting the varmints out of the air and off of the tractor. Only one breaks through and stings my eyelid. Great, this should really complete the Joseph Merrick look. Skip dinner, not really in the mood.

Tuesday, Day 4:

Weight 208, up a bit but the 3rd notch on my belt feels comfortable. Swelling not too bad except for my knee so I pack my gym bag just in case. If all goes well I plan on the gym after work and then work on the wall, but without the “hornet rock”. I’ll wait until winter to get that one.

That’s my 600 words so this story will have to wait to be continued.